You cannot behave your way out of oppression
We can agree that all oppression is irrational, right? At least it is to me.
Because of the irrationality of oppression, people in oppressed groups find trouble making sense of their situation. I have observed this in queer spaces, and particularly within gay male spaces.
We, gay men, have many stereotypes about us, one of them being that we are horny 24/7 and that's why some of us pay hundreds of dollars a month for a Grinder subscription (couldn't be me!). Our perceived chronic horniness has prompted some gays to declare that if only we could get our act together-end hookup culture, stop participating in drag, etc.-we would not be dealing with the hatred we continue to face.
This viewpoint, even when communicated by gay men, is homophobic. Look at how straight people act. Heterosexual PDA outnumber homosexual PDA in most contexts. Disney has never been asked to tone down the intimacy of straight characters in their movies. Why? Because straight/cisgender people are held to lower standards than queer people. By asking your fellow members of the alphabet mafia to police their expression for the appeasement of outsiders, you're arguing that we can behave our way out of hatred and oppression. This won't work because the hatred and oppression we face is not our fault.
Though you might hear bigots claim that their bigotry is because of how sexual gay men are, or how they find drag shows to be weird, behaving "better" will only prove that bigots are bigoted because we're different.
I know I have only discussed queer oppression here (because that is the only marginalized group I am a part of), but I believe the following applies to anyone that finds themselves oppressed: You cannot behave your way out of oppression.